In my first six months out of college, I had the pleasure of working in both the Footage/Production and Writing departments for ONN (Onion News Network). Besides being in the company of the most talented comedy minds in the business, arguably the coolest moment was actually seeing my “one liner” published in the Biden/Hennessy video. If you look closely at around the 1:18 mark, you’ll see my “Biden Requests His Character Be Killed Off So He Can Pursue Future Projects” contribution. And yes, I was paid $10 (pre-taxes).

Approved Ideas:

• Timothy Geithner Breaks Out in Severe Acne
• Taliban Releases 140-Character Twitter Threat
• Germany Looking for New Social Disaster to be Self-Conscious About
• Marc Jacobs First to Use “Organically-Raised” Super Models
• New Study Shows that Children Who Play Educational Video Games Wrongly Believe “Education Leads to Success”
• Homeless Man Has a Pretty Good Singing Voice for a Limbless Crack Addict
• iPhone Application Enables Parents to Keep Track of Who’s Sleeping With Their Daughter
• Diet Tips That Will Make You Scream Uncontrollably
• Breaking News: Woman Playing Guitar in Park Not Necessarily a Lesbian
• Biden Requests That His Character Be Killed Off So He Can Pursue Other Projects
• Unemployment Rate Inside Starbucks Hits 79%

I make many blogs. It is a problem, and a lot of people resent me more than Newt Gingrich for it. While I feel I have something to offer in the comedy, food, and sports realms, I haven’t really gotten around to creating a personal blog. You know, a blog for revealing my fear of Gothic architecture, deep hatred of vertical postcards, and even that one time I got an abortion when I was seventeen (we’ll always have Paris, Richard). But that void has now been filled with “Blah Blah Berkon.” Enjoy [or fucking hate] it!

Writing for Brand Channel was my first real look into advertising/marketing before physically working in those worlds. It was also the first time I had written more news-based articles, as opposed to my usual farts jokes or relentless New York Mets venting. My tenure with Brand Channel was a very educational one, as it forced me to think and analyze the implications of any and all brand-related news. Plus I got to write about porn (sort of).

Huffington Post is the king of the unpaid writing gig. Unlike other sites that promise “future” compensation or just “experience,” Huff Po actually puts their money where their mouth is (in terms of exposure). With a daily audience of over ten million people, my work was put in front of an astounding volume of readers. From making fun of a recently deceased Patrick Swayze to analyzing the impact of Mike Hampton’s retirement from professional baseball, there has always been a place for my words in Ariana-Land.

As a producer at Ogilvy & Mather, I am knee-deep in the world of advertising. However, producers tend to carry-out ideas, as opposed to conceiving them. This is sometimes tough since I’ve always viewed myself as a conceiver (hmm, that sounds sort of dirty). To compensate for my creative void, I decided to create my own portfolio full of ad campaigns. Some are good, some are bad, but most are just fuckin’ brilliant.

Contrary to stereotypes, Baseball isn’t a boring game made-up of less athletic players than other sports. In actuality, it’s a game filled with endless statistics for fans to form interesting and unique arguments. That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do at The Beanball. While I exclusively write about the New York Mets at Rising Apple, The Beanball is my way of looking across all Major League teams, and taking a deeper look into players and situations prospective readers never thought anyone would write five hundred words or more on.

Of all my past and present writing jobs, nothing gives me more joy than writing about the New York Mets on RisingApple.com. As a born and raised Mets fan, I’ve endured almost as much sorrow as those who lived in a Soviet gulag during the 1940’s—yet for some reason unbeknownst to me, I continue to root for the team. Since taking over as the lead blogger for Rising Apple, the site has seen its traffic spike over 1000%, and I’ve developed relationships with mainstream Mets/sports sites like MetsBlog, Amazin Avenue, MLB Trade Rumors, and many others.

I’ve long been one of those types that friends (and foes) ask for restaurant suggestions. Maybe it’s because I have really good taste, or maybe it’s due to my incredible good looks, but if you need a cheap Italian restaurant in the East Village (i.e. Paprika) or a legitimate soup dumplings spot (i.e. Shanghai Asian Cuisine), I’m your guy. I developed Food For Fodder as place for my personal restaurant/eatery reviews, as well as a few food products reviews to boot. And hey, if you don’t agree with my food opinions, just take them with a grain of salt (i.e. The Filling Station in Chelsea Market).

Ah, my first blog—and my first love. During my senior year of college, I really wanted to work for The Onion. I followed-up with my contact there, and landed the interview for an internship at the coveted humor palace. However, even though I thought I was funny, I didn’t really have much proof of it. That scared me. Thus, Something You Should Read was born. I created it in the vein of The Onion, since I planned to use it as proof for my funniness. The folks at The Onion never asked for proof, so they never saw my blog. Oh well.